Link Haze, 5/16/08.

• Swedish Fish ads? meh. Swedish Fish delivery truck? heh. (link)
• A recipe for wiener water soup. (link)
• This BBC radio review of Iron Man is the kind of nuanced insightfulness missing here in the colonies. (link)
• So, the GOP's fancy new party slogan is the exact same one used to market anti-depressant Effexor. (link)
• Sorry I Called You Sweetie—a good emo band name. (link)
• I was frantically looking for a screwdriver to gouge my eardrums out whilst watching/listening to this Home Depot training film. (link)
• Gold Bond is breath mint for your balls. (link)
• A true mystery: what is the Nasonex bee's nationality? (link)
• Obsessive Star Wars fans could channel that energy into saving the planet. Instead, we get shit like this. (link)
• You say 'Hello Kitty,' I say 'Goodbye Kitty.' (link)
• Mixed media paintings by Ian Francis. (link)
• Before sticking a flute up her hoo-hah in American Pie, a young, innocent Alyson Hannigan shilled for Mylanta. (link)
• The DC Metro installs hopscotch and I Spy in stations in effort to stop people from hurling themselves in front of trains. Yeah, this'll work beautifully. (link)
• Contextual ad oops, UK analog edition (thanks Mark Russell). (link)
• Join the Navy. Get blown up. (link)
• Red Bull gives you wings? How 'bout stabilizers? (link)
• A short film: New York City pigeons having sex. (link)
• craigslist ad of the week: "I have lots of imitation crab meat." (link)
• PETA wrote web-footed Ashton Kutcher to plead with him to join their campaign against foie gras (snicker). (link)
• I vehemently disagree with this Vice "do." (link)
• I'd actually been rooting for Donny Deutsch and his TV show—until he took his shirt off last week (again), and said he could by NYC mayor if he wanted. (link)
• Sweet Jesus, a Mr. Rogers porno is cumming. (link, via)
• Finally, pants-optional CEO Dov Charney spotted on the LES, with murse. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Skyy's sapphic sky sex.

Today on Animal New York, take a gander at Skyy vodka's latest racy outdoor ad—it features a 3some with interracial lez interplay. (link)

French fight beach pollution by bleeding fighting G.I. imagery.

(click ads for closer look)
The iconic Iwo Jima flag raising pic has been exploited from the halls of luxury jet companies to the shores of South Africa; in the name of global warming (see masthead), and now as part of a French beach cleanup effort called Surfrider. And! Since it's French beaches, Y&R Paris decided to also use a D-Day image. And that Photoshopped image (right, above) appears to be from the Omaha beach sector of the invasion, aka "Bloody Omaha," where over 2,000 American soldiers were killed (somewhat recreated in the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan). The third ad of the campaign plays off of a jungle photo from the Vietnam war. So, is it OK for the French to exploit dead US soldiers, even if it is to combat pollution? Well, at least they get to fight another day, I guess. related: French exploit 9/11 to battle bad water; imagery of US soldiers exploited by India to sell Kama Sutra brand condoms; Marines can't use MySpace, commands MySpace using DofD.

Hey Park Slope? You got a logo, BITCH?

(click ad for closer look)
MORE PARK LESS SLOPE. Jack "don't call me Jackson" Heights, Queens sticks a broken beer bottle right in the face of pretty Park Slope with this "Queens is the new Brooklyn" ad from today's Home ad supplement in the New York Times. And looky at that logo...A top hat! A beer belly! And he even jauntily dances to a jazzy tune at the JackHeights Website (which is sponsored by Queens realtor MPC Properties). Wonder what EDGY, Radically Chic/Chicly Radical Williamsburg has to say about this throwdown? No matter, it looks like we're just about ready for another round of The Unparalleled Hyperbole of NY Real Estate Advertising...

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: maybe the most depressing billboard you'll ever see.

Today on Animal New York, I have nothing cheery or cheeky for you. Jesus, sometimes life just fucking sucks.. (link)

So drinking bottled water is like giving my car a blow job?

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Brita, maker of home water filters, has set up a Website to increase awareness of the environmental evils of drinking bottled water. To illustrate this evilness, DDB San Francisco created nightmarish ghouls spewing the blackest evilest liquid in the world (here's a third ad in this repetitive campaign). While I'm all for giving it good to bottled water companies, especially ones like Jana who hypocritically lecture me on the evils of plastic bags, I'm not sure showing crude vomit is the smartest way to get the message out. more bad bottled water ads: Perrier's shittier advertising (1,2,3); Fiji water—taste a cumulus?; Vitamin Water—50's packin' nutrients; and Fred water—suck on him all day long. update: Are the ads effective? Go vote your opinion in this online poll at PollsBoutique.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Accounting Firms Shouldn't Advertise.

Today on Animal New York, go take a look at a NY accounting firm transit ad that just plain fucking annoyed the fuck out of me. (link)

HERNIA or ORGASM?

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Mimicking Details magazine and scores of other precursors, Passage Fitness First in Brussels, "part of the world's biggest chain of gyms," temporarily and possibly permanently turns me off both exercise and sex with these ads featuring Jean-Claude making O face. Ewwwwwwwwwww. previously in orgasms in advertising: Is this American Apparel model masturbating? Viagra presents—The Whiskey Dicks. Floors so clean you can eat [your wife] off of them. You've Cum A Long Way, Baby. LoveMachine condoms make you last long enough to do Sudoku on your lover's back. The Sex Machines exhibit at the NYC Museum of Sex. (ads by Mortierbrigade, scanned from the latest Archive)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: PETA Roasts SD State.

Today on Animal New York, go take a look at at a childish PETA ad that shamelessly capitalizes on the recent frat house drug ring bust at San Diego State. (link)

BOY WITH THUMB PENIS SELLS PS3 IN AUSTRIA.

(click ad for closer look)
Considering how many game boys/men in the world spend more time jerking their PlayStations around than doing anything else in their sunless lives, this scary, wince-inducing ad via TBWA\Vienna is actually a very truthful piece of communication. Except for the six-pack. previous penis imagery in ads: Manix king size condoms—if the shoe fits; ABSOLUT 8": the men's dress shoe as phallic symbol; Naples Lumber—everything you need to get the (blow) job done; too much teeth...TOO MUCH TEETH; LifeStyles condoms—proud as a twitching erect peacock; Tom Ford gives us the finger; and Dickman's Meat of Tucson, Arizona.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: MTV's stupid anti-piracy ad.

MTV, a television company that apparently has something to do with music, has produced the most ineffective music piracy print ad imaginable. (link)

"Jeez, the ocean is so damn loud in here..."

(click ad for closer look)
Smirnoff vodka ad from a 1966 Life magazine (image via). related: Woody and Dov do both like Asian chicks; Bananas!—the fake American Apparel ad artist creates scary two-color Woody.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: The Strangest Light Bulb Commercial You'll Ever See.

Today on Animal New York, go watch an insane TV spot for Sylvania light bulbs via Thailand. You're insane, it's insane, go! (link)

Link Haze, 5/09/08.

• This old A-Bomb brochure is just plain scary. (link)
• Tropic Thunder, starring Black Downing, Jr. (link)
• Two of the Sex And The City girls got to keep their clothes from the movie, two didn't. WAH! BOO-HOO! SEX AND THE CITY!!! (link)
• More band names from Google news: this week's fave—Reeling From A Drubbing. (link)
• Get set to see lots and lots of car ads this summer in movie theaters. (link)
• Here are the other two print ads from the naked Brazilian woman campaign for Cabana Caçhaca rum. (link)
• Unlike with this seamless lingerie print ad, there is no discernable reason why this Swedish woman has no nipples on her bare breasts. (link)
• HRC has already said that Barack Obama has weak support amongst white Americans. So just how low do you think John McCain will go? This low? (link)
• The stupid Mentos "Kiss Cam" has apparently been killed. (link)
• In June, MindShare New York is taking its employees on a ghastly field trip to Six Flags Great Adventure in lovely Jackson, NJ. Fun Fact: I worked games there one summer a long time ago. (link)
• These two Old Spice spots, hilarious. This one, blah. (link)
• Of all the bad derivative plays on Got Milk? I've seen, this is the worst. (link)
• Dabitch at adland made a birthday cake for Spam. Not that Spam. (link)
• Some religious-right loonies are protesting the Starbucks mermaid. (link) Their idiotic advertising, now there's something to protest about.
• A Georgia state senator wants to ban pot-flavored candy. (link)
• Don't make your drug deals on this Brooklyn payphone, it's tapped. How do I know? Because it says so! (link)
• That's a monster of a fib in monster.com's diversity ad. (link)
• This decrepit subway billboard is a piece of modern art. (link)
• A UK telemarketer gets the reaming of his life in this hilarious nsfw call. (link)
• Forgetting the snarkiness for a second, this story brought tears to my eyes on the subway this morning. (link)

I HATE HATE this Beetle ad.

(click ad for closer look)
First off, I love the (old) Beetle. I drove a Beetle in college. It went 0-60 in never because it only went 55, and it took three minutes to accelerate to that door-shaking speed. But it never failed me. I'm not as crazy about the new Beetle, but a co-worker owns one and he says it's a fine car (it is ridiculously overpriced, though).
This Beetle ad via DDB Barcelona is a classroom example of tired borrowed interest. And it badly borrows from an already grossly abused iconic image. In the classic 1955 film noir Night of the Hunter, Robert Mitchum, playing one of foulest characters in movie history, had LOVE tattooed on one set of knuckles and HATE on the other. And for the next 10+ years, pretty much every faux badass teen in America replicated the tattoos with a black marker (Actually, it's still going on today, except the goofy goth teens have no idea where the idea came from.). Even my dad, who was/is a real badass, did it. Anyway, to wrap this meandering up: though I like the lack of a product shot, the ad's trying too hard to be cool. It fails. related: Peter Stormare stars in funny VW GTI spots.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: You'd think a "visual arts" school ad would be visually interesting.

Today on Animal New York, check out the NYC School of Visual Arts (which I attended) latest subway ad. It's interactive! It's blinky! It's stinky! (link)

"I want you inside me..."

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Cheeky, rather alarming ad for the Substation sex shop in Geneva, Switzerland. "High performance lubricants" indeed. Note the gooey hand and buttocks region. Very nice art direction with the bedroom. update: as commenter mb points out, that's an Oscar Wilde portrait. (via) previous LUBE advertising: the Choo-Choo is stuck in the Poo-Poo; and Strawberry Bush and Raspberry Jam?

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: new I LOVE NY ads.

Today on Animal New York, go check out the new I (heart) NY print ads. They're examples of what happens when city and country wonks cram all their stupid thoughts into one sad ad. (link)

Manhattan's Most Disgusting Gyro Posters.

(click pics to lose appetite)
Dog Shit topped with Pigeon Shit. I snapped these photos of the Greek fast food staple at small eating establishments throughout Manhattan. In a reversal of the usual menu photo vs. the real thing food dynamic, these poster gyros look exponentially worse than the real items, I'm sure. Not that I'm 100% sure—because I sure as shit ain't ever to sample one of these mystery meat things topped with Tzatziki sauce in my lifetime after seeing the "GYROS TODAY" poster, lower left. previously in disgusting food photos: farm animal necrophilia sells meat seasoning; The Spiderman 3 French cheeseburger; Concorde- & Porsche-shaped sashimi; Caroli brand processed meat looks like cadaver tissue; Hillshire Farm sausages look like worms. related: cool video of supermodels playing with fatty meats.

PURE HORSEHIT: Pillows so comfortable they instantly stopped this hot Indian couple from f*cking.

(click ad for closer look)
Welcome to the return of a discontinued feature here on copyranter: Pure Horseshit. The above pic of fresh fragrant horse bonbons will be trotted out next to ads with claims that surpass the already high level of advertising truth-bendiness. Like the one for Mbellish pillows, above left. Puts you to sleep, instantly. Oh yeah? Are they filled with chloroform? And do they blow me first? "Mbellish" indeed. (ad via Saatchi & Saatchi, India)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Amnesty International makes like Goofus.

Today on Animal New York, I posted some posters by Amnesty International that feature evil despots with silly Photoshopped cross eyes. (link)

Benjamin Moore store mannequin a picture of apathy.

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Display window in a Benjamin Moore, on Broadway @ 100th St. Note the headband, the numerous bangles, the Boylan's ginger ale, the men's shoes, and the air of artistic disdain. This display was put together with care.
previous NYC window displays: Otto Tootsi Plohound—these boots were made for gawking; Zamir Furs—Barbie® army; Weber's—the Great Wall of New York; Radio Shack—you must be at least this overjoyed to work in one of our shacks; Toys R Us—the closest I've ever come to firebombing a store.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Trouser Snakes On A Plane.

Today on Animal New York, I posted about a strange new campaign for Virgin America airlines that practically begs passengers to fuck each other. (link)

XXX Movie Seeking A Band Of Horses In Brooklyn.

(click pic to read)
Casting call flier hung near the Morgan stop of the L for "Niki Gets Lost In BushDick." The production is looking for a few fellas to make up what I imagine must be an indie rock band that poor lost Niki happens to stumble upon. Gang bang scene then ensues. Note the Length, Girth column. (thanks to Kaile Smith for the pic). previously in ad porn: amateur porn is born?; The VEXYs (Village Voice Sex Ad Awards); The PETA porn star ads; Let's write some new taglines for Jenna Jameson's Zombie Strippers; and the sexually graphic fake American Apparel ads.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Georgi's Assvertising.

Today on Animal New York, Georgi vodka continues to use the boss's daughter's ass in its advertising. Classy! (link)

Economist dumbs down its advertising. Waaay down.

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Cloud-Cuckoo-Land?—Apparently tiring of its legacy as an extremely smart news magazine, The Economist has just launched a new print ad campaign that looks/reads like it's aimed at childish doofuses (doofi?) like me. So, this is maybe not a smart marketing move by a publication that's one of the few in the world that continues to show robust growth? The ads are certainly a clean break from what's considered by many to be the best magazine advertising campaign ever (here's 1, 2, 3 recent examples that aren't half as good as executions from the 1990s, which I'm too lazy to find online. images via.) previously in newspaper/magazine self-promo advertising: Spanish newspaper plays a fun game with 9/11; Deutsch—apparently not a bestiality magazine; Penthouse 1980 subscription ad targeted men with triangular-shaped penises; New York Times Select—take a trip down memory lane (a toll road).

Link Haze, 5/02/08.

• Naked chicks on post-it notes. (link)
• Dickipedia. (link, thanks Kevin Erskine)
• Ironic Sans has created an iGoogle theme he calls Googlyi, as in googlyi eyes. It's fun. (link)
• SPAM emails are getting prettier. (link)
• This week in band names culled from Google news. Madam Suicide is good for an all-girl punk band. (link)
• Meet The Gayes. (link)
• Will-It-Blend? guy blends lollipop covered in back hair within a video selling an ice cream snack. (link)
• NYU philosophy student brings in a muffin with razor blades in it for his "absurdism" class project. Student in next class bits into it. (link)
• If you'd like to read a review of Grand Theft Auto IV that really gives you a feel for what it's like, don't read this one. (link)
• Remember the super-duper nitty-gritty Montana meth ads? Well, after much protesting, the rapey one's been pulled. (link)
• Advertising misleads consumers in every way possible. (link)
• When Wal-Mart advertises their pharmacy service to old black people, they of course choose a stock photo of a jazz musician. (link)
• Piranha jacket. (link)
• It's the launch of Cordarounds, the lightest corduroy pants in history. (link)
• Finally, there is a magical happy place in Manhattan where you can get an 8 oz. Coke...for a dime. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Belvedere Gets Blow Jobbier.

For you naysayers out there who doubt that the latest Belvedere ad featured an implied BJ, take a look at this subway board. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: a bindi on Lady Liberty!

Today on Animal NY, an Indian airline has defaced the Statue of Liberty in a billboard placed right outside Penn Station. EvilDoers! Go see if it offends you. (link)

Lohan mugshot used by pro-drinking and driving group.

(click ad for closer look)
This is the top part of a full-page ad in today's USA Today from the American Beverage Institute warning us about evil "activists" who want to put ignition interlocks—aka in-car breathalyzers—in every car in America. In the ad's copy, they say it's a good idea for people like Drinky Lohan, but bad news for people like you and me who just want to enjoy a beer or two at the ballgame or a champagne or three at weddings. The Institute has created a Website, InterLockFacts.com, to present their pro-moderate drinking opinions. Me, I want to hear where Lindz standz on this important issue. Also, if she's gonna sue the wine-stained pants off of the ABI for this publicity stunt. update: And as Gawker points out, they spelled Lindsay's name wrong. previously in celebs in ads: Bobbie De Niro sez: get the FUCK out of my city; Gwynnie Paltrow is African; can't spell anthropomorphism without Mohr; and more GAP celeb pap.